So C-c-c-c-contoversial - After all, it's only 1:30 AM.

October 17, 2007

After all, it’s only 1:30 AM.
Current mood: calm

I feel the need to explain myself. For what? I don't know.

*I just thought you should know...That I'm alive, and that I'm well. More than well, because of you. And in spite of you.*

And I don't care about the year spent in shadows and sorrow and growth because it's not over and I don't know that it will ever be really, truly over.

And I know it's okay that you forgot or refuse to think about or acknowledge that pain hurts and heals more than you ever could.

I could be mean, cold. I could be bitter (and I think, to a point, I am). But I'm going to choose to be me.

You don't have to like it (sometimes even I hate it).

But embrace it. Take me in all my confusion. Take my conflicted, indecisive, tug-of-war heart. Take my flaws, bitterness, baggage, and almost irritating stubbornness.

Take that, and take with it beauty, strength, passion, optimism, honesty. Take my big (often guarded) heart, my laughter (no matter how loud), my smile (at times forced), my compassion. My steadfast (occasionally to a fault) opinions .

Take me, all of me, or none at all.

I'm learning more each day about the woman I am, the woman I want to be. And I have something to say to the people who have helped me find her...

I can write this letter to the world, but first and foremost, I'll write it to myself. To my one and only, to my best friend: Me. To the only one who absolutely must love the person I am.

But when I'm done, I'll address it to you: to those who are there (always) when I do and don't deserve it. To those who refuse to let me be less than who I could be, who I should be. To those who pick me up when I fall, who make me stand on my own when it'll teach me a lesson. To the people, the select few of you, that show me on an almost daily basis that friendship is like oxygen.

To whom it may concern:

I love you, and I need you to know that. And no matter how long it takes, no matter how far I have to go, I will prove myself worthy of the unconditional faith you've had in me. You could have given up, and so many times I think you almost did. But you're still here, and without you, this world would be a darker place.

Love always,

Stacey

*It's been a long, dark road with lots of sunshine and lots of rain...I'm still paving this path as I go.*

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